


Breaks your Faith to Pieces on the Floor

by entropy_maximum (missjmelville)



Series: Faithful [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missjmelville/pseuds/entropy_maximum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean looked outside the motel window to see Castiel standing in the snow next to the Impala, head bowed down in prayer and wind whipping at his coat, swirling around his legs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaks your Faith to Pieces on the Floor

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from lyrics to The Fray's song Happiness which also happens to be the inspiration for this fic and I would highly recommend listening to it or at least reading the lyrics before you read. Sort of a Prequel to My Faith in You is Endless and I Have Faith in You.

Dean looked outside the motel window to see Castiel standing in the snow next to the Impala, head bowed down in prayer and wind whipping at his coat, swirling around his legs. Dean knew from experience that the wind was strong enough to knock a grown man over and yet Castiel stood there as if it were nothing more than a light breeze, certainly not the near-gale-force winds that they were. Dean also knew that Castiel would not be setting foot in the motel any time soon; well, Dean could wait for just as long as Castiel.

He blinked, and in the split-second it took for his eyes to close and open, Castiel was gone. No sign that he had been there, the wind blowing away any footprints, the snow gradually building up on the Impala’s windscreen as Dean waited. He knew that Castiel would be back, he always came back. That didn’t seem to stop Dean’s stomach from clenching and his mind from racing. Castiel would never abandon him and no matter how much he told himself that it was the truth, he couldn’t stop the fear that overtook him every time it happened.

Castiel wouldn’t abandon him.

The lights flickered. Dean blinked again and was unsettled to notice that it was dark already, night having come quicker than he thought possible. The lights flickered again and Dean hoped the power didn’t go out. The heater was the only thing stopping him from going out into the snow outside and praying for his Angel to come back. Just in case, he lit a few candles that he found stuffed into the bottom of Sam’s duffle bag. Their glow was warm next to the harshness of the room’s only lamp. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, sparks flashing behind his closed eyelids.

Castiel would be back.

Faith was never enough in Dean’s book, and his was wavering something fierce. His faith in Castiel, his faith in Sam, his faith that he was doing good, it wasn’t enough any more. He needed something tangible, something to hold onto and not just empty words. The wind howled outside and he was reminded of the hellhounds that had ripped him open and devoured his soul, gnashing teeth and blood-soaked claws. Just the memory was enough to cripple him with pain as he grasped uselessly at his chest with frozen fingers. The scars were gone but they still existed in Dean’s mind and it took more effort than it should to remember.

Castiel had healed him.

Sitting down heavily on his bed, Dean took in a deep shuddering breath. He had to stop trying to find something in nothing, there was no happiness to be found in his life. It didn’t matter how much he repeated the mantra to himself though, his heart was convinced that Castiel was his ticket to happiness. He knew he didn’t deserve it, knew he wasn’t worthy, but Castiel was real, he was solid, he was there. That was enough for Dean.

Enough for him to want to grasp desperately at Castiel every time he disappeared. Things so bad that he didn’t know how much more he could take. He pushed all thoughts of Castiel and happiness to the back of his mind, it wasn’t going to happen, not now, not ever, he was giving up, happiness would forever be out of his reach. His heart clenched at that, shrivelling up now that it had nothing to look forward to anymore.

That’s when Castiel returned with hope.

Castiel stood silently in front of Dean, a statue of Faith and everything Holy. His hand soft against the stubble of Dean’s jaw, his thumb gentle as it wiped away a tear that Dean hadn’t realised had escaped. His sorrow was tangible in the air, rolling off of him in waves that he knew Castiel could feel, as certain as he was that Castiel was about to kiss him.

When dry, chapped lips brushed against his own, warm and alive, his head spun. The sudden rush of hope and love and _faith_ made him dizzy and he lunged at the Angel now crouched in front of him. They landed on the floor with a muffled thud and a whoosh of air leaving lungs as Dean pushed himself against Castiel as if he could make them one.

Castiel pulled him in.

The kiss was rough, deep, and sloppy, and Dean didn’t care. His heart felt like it was going to explode. Castiel was gripping Dean’s shoulders tightly; his right hand gripping Dean’s left shoulder hard, as if he wanted to brand himself there through Dean’s shirt even though his mark was already there. Etched into skin and blood and bone, thrumming with energy and need.

Dean pulled away suddenly as if realising something, Castiel was looking up at him with a dazed look on his face and a frown between his eyes and Dean had the horrible sinking feeling that he’d misinterpreted the situation. A second that felt like a lifetime later, and he finally got his answer.

Castiel kissed him back.


End file.
